Humour 08 September 2021
James Bond is Not For Me!
Announcement: After careful consideration, I have reluctantly decided to rule myself out of contention to be the next James Bond. Here are the reasons behind this important decision:
- I’m not a fan of vodka martinis, unless they’ve been vigorously stirred (not shaken) and served with a tiny umbrella. 🍸
- I’m allergic to horses… and milk! And it seems highly likely the next Bond film will require a scene involving Bond drinking milk on a horse. 💁♂️🥛🐴
- I’m not a great risk-taker. I currently struggle to live with the daily risk of being hit by a milk float. 🥛
- I’ve never fired a pistol, let alone a Walther PPK. Although, I did shoot my brother with a potato gun when I was 8. 🔫
- I’m not that great with gadgets. It took me 3 years to work out how to use the dishwasher.
- Any stunt involving heights might be tricky. I’m not afraid of heights. I’m not even afraid of falling from heights. I’m afraid of hitting the ground after falling from heights. 🪂
- My comic timing of one-liner puns is terrible.
- Still, I’ll strive to make an impact! (sorry, this should have been at the end of number 6️⃣)
I appreciate this news will come as a bitter disappointment to you all, but hope you manage to salvage a semi-enjoyable day out of the carnage of this bombshell! 😊